This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
