went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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