Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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