I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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