I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
