I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
