I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
