Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
