If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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