help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I love how my cats smell like pot.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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