I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize