I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
