Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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