We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
