So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
