Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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