I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize