remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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