why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
