a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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