we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
