garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
