I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
