what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
