i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
In other news, I just burned my penis
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
