She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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