It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
