Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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