I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
