i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
