My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
