he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
