on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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