Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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