ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
