he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize