bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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