I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
