Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Farmville is her only friend.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
