Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
