eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
