You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
