pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
