she was so not down for the gang bang
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
