He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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