you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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