Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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