I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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