My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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