he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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