she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
