I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
