I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just found puke in my bra..
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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