Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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