I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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