As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
