Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
