he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
