They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize