just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
