So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
