Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
