I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
