I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she peed on how many people?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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