first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
