It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
