ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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