Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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