just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
