I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
