I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize