I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
