we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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