the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize