Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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