He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize