Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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