i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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