My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
