gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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