Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
