I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The struggles of a small town man whore
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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