i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm bleeding and have questions
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
