Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
