we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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