Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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