so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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