Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
