The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize