Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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