in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
