Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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