u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
