What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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