he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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