I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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