she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize