so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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