she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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