i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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