That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
