we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
