As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
