I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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