im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
